How to tell my girlfriend i have herpes
How exactly does herpes spread? Despite the millions really! Regardless, the end result is that dating with herpes can feel daunting. You're probably wondering at least three things: if you need to tell a potential partner that you have genital or even oral herpes, and when and how to do so.
SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: 3 Ways to Prevent Passing Herpes to Your PartnerContent:
- Herpes & Relationships
- 4 Questions You Probably Have About Dating With Herpes
- How to Tell Your Partner You Have Genital Herpes
- How to Tell Someone You Have Genital Herpes
- 23 Women Reveal How They Tell Someone They Have Herpes
- What It Feels Like to Give Your Partner Herpes
- How To Tell Someone You Have Herpes
- How to Tell Your Partner You Have Herpes
- How to Live and Date with Herpes
Herpes & Relationships
Learning you have genital herpes can be devastating. When someone is first diagnosed, the thought of dating with herpes can fill them with horrible anxiety.
They may wonder if they will ever find love again. Why is dating with herpes so stressful? After herpes diagnosis, people may be worried about being judged. They may be scared they could spread herpes to their future partners. They may simply be terrified about how they are going to face the world. Fortunately, it turns out that most of the time dating with herpes isn't nearly as scary as worrying about it.
Here's why. People often worry that friends and future partners will judge them if they find out they have herpes. Truthfully, sometimes that happens. People can be quite cruel to someone after herpes diagnosis. However, they're just as, if not more, likely to be kind. The truth is that herpes is extremely common. Genital herpes affects one in six people ages 14 to They may even have it themselves.
By and large, no matter how "icky" you may think a disease is, it's hard to be judgmental towards someone you love if you find out they have it. As for potential partners, if they start getting mean, you might want to ask them if they've been tested. If they haven't, they may have the virus and not know about it. When people realize how common herpes is, how often people don't have symptoms, and that they could be infected without knowing it It makes them much less likely to throw shade.
The next trick is not judging yourself. After you've been diagnosed with herpes, it may be difficult to think about anything other than the fact that you have a disease. But that's all it is - a disease. It isn't who you are. One of the toughest things to remember when dating with herpes is that mostly it's just dating.
Dating is an activity fraught with the potential for drama, pain, and heartbreak for pretty much everyone. Herpes is just one factor in the equation. With few exceptions, people don't date solely because they want to have sex.
They date because they like each other and find each other interesting and attractive. When those other things are true, a herpes diagnosis often doesn't seem like that big a deal. If you like someone enough, herpes can be just something you have to work with. Just like you have to work with a partner's snoring or their affection for mornings. One of hardest things about dating with herpes is deciding when to disclose your diagnosis to your partner.
Although I generally try not to speak in absolutes, it is always a better idea to do so before you have sex. That way, your partner can make an active choice about what risks they are and are not comfortable taking. If you wait to tell your partner that you have herpes until after you've had sex, the revelation may feel like a betrayal. You will have denied them the opportunity to make an informed decision about risk.
You may also have implied that your herpes diagnosis is more important than the other things they find attractive about you. If someone is really interested in you before you tell them you have herpes, they probably will be afterward as well.
It just helps to tell them early. How early? You don't have to do it on the first date. The timing really depends on the people involved. If you're worried about how your partner might react, talk to them about it in a safe place. You could bring it up over dinner when you're getting near the going home together phase. Or you could have the talk while you're out for a walk, and perhaps a make-out session. When you do have the talk, it's best to be straightforward about it.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. It can be as simple as, "I like how things are going in our relationship, and I'm hoping we'll end up in bed sometime soon. Before we do, I wanted to let you know that I have genital herpes. I take suppressive therapy and haven't had an outbreak in a while, so the risk of passing it to you is low. Still, it's not zero, so I wanted you to have a chance to think about it before we get intimate. You don't need to respond right now. When, and if, you're ready, I'm happy to talk with you more or to just send you some information.
One of the things that scares people when they're thinking about dating with herpes is the risk for potential partners. They're concerned about the possibility that they might spread herpes to someone they care about. This is a legitimate concern.
Fortunately, there are ways to reduce the likelihood you will spread herpes during sex. Suppressive therapy, for example, can lower the risk of transmission significantly. Using condoms consistently, even for oral sex , can also make a big difference in your partner's risk.
Condoms and dental dams don't just make intercourse safer. They also make it less likely for you to spread herpes from your genitals to their mouth , and vice versa. Practicing safe sex is always a good choice. What do you do if it's not you with herpes but your partner?
Hearing the news may throw you for a bit of a loop. If you're worried or upset, that's understandable. However, try not to take it out on the person who told you. Being open and honest about a herpes diagnosis isn't an easy thing to do.
It's quite possible you've already dated people who had the virus. You may already have it yourself. The majority of people with herpes have no idea they are infected. It's your choice whether you want to keep dating someone after learning of their herpes diagnosis. Dating someone who knows they're infected, at least gives you the option of intentionally managing your risk. The truth is, some people will reject you when they find out you have herpes.
To quote a herpes support forum poster, "dating with herpes can be stressful. Numerous people with genital and oral herpes are open about disclosing their condition. Most of them have active, happy dating and sexual lives.
The truth is, it's so hard to meet the right person that dating with herpes makes it only the tiniest bit harder. Life after herpes doesn't mean life without love. Sign up for our Health Tip of the Day newsletter, and receive daily tips that will help you live your healthiest life. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. STD facts - genital herpes. Updated August 28, An Overview of Herpes. Living With Herpes. Reduce the Risk Sex Will Spread Herpes One of the things that scares people when they're thinking about dating with herpes is the risk for potential partners.
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Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Related Articles. Dating When You Have Herpes. Herpes Vaccine Development: Priorities and Progress. Should failure to disclose an STD be a crime? I'm dubious.
4 Questions You Probably Have About Dating With Herpes
Several days earlier, he had shown me a small, red dot on his skin. He said it didn't. It didn't feel like anything; it was just there.
The best way for couples to deal with herpes is to talk about it openly and make decisions together. According to one study of discordant couples where one partner had genital herpes and the other did not , there was a significant delay in transmission when the positive partner disclosed his or her infection. But make sure that you keep your own health and risk in mind as well. You might be surprised.
How to Tell Your Partner You Have Genital Herpes
It's natural to be concerned about telling a new partner that you have genital herpes. Fear of being rejected and perhaps being uncomfortable about sexual health concerns makes it a tricky subject to bring up. However, it is more likely that your partner will respect your openness and honesty and it will be an opportunity to take your relationship to a deeper level of trust and understanding. There are no black and white rules for telling your partner you have herpes, and everyone needs to make their own decisions depending on the situation, but the fact is more people are accepted by new partners than rejected for having genital herpes. Some people choose not to tell casual partners. They don't have sex during an outbreak and practice safe sex by using condoms. And this is an OK decision. In a relationship, "not telling" can cause anxiety and stress affecting your emotional and sexual health. For most people the anxiety over not telling is worse than the telling itself and they find their partners both supportive and understanding. District Health Boards DHBs are responsible for providing or funding the provision of health services in their district.
How to Tell Someone You Have Genital Herpes
Learning you have genital herpes can be devastating. When someone is first diagnosed, the thought of dating with herpes can fill them with horrible anxiety. They may wonder if they will ever find love again. Why is dating with herpes so stressful?
HSV-1 is the herpes virus associated with oral herpes, such as cold sores and fever blisters on or around the mouth, but HSV-2 refers to genital herpes. However, you can get either strain of the virus on other parts of your body. You can have either type without exhibiting any symptoms, yet still pass it on to other people via genital secretions or skin to skin contact, which makes herpes a prevalent STI.
23 Women Reveal How They Tell Someone They Have Herpes
It took years for Davis, founder of The STD Project , which encourages awareness and acceptance of various sexually transmitted diseases, and spokesperson for Positive Singles , a dating site for people with STDs, to come to terms with the diagnosis she got at age When she was diagnosed with herpes almost three years ago, Whitney Carlson, 29, a social media editor in Chicago, had a similar reaction. The infection, which is caused by the herpes simplex 1 and herpes simplex 2 viruses and passed via skin-to-skin contact, can show up as a cluster of sores on the mouth area or genitals. Around two-thirds of people worldwide under age 50 have herpes simplex 1, according to the World Health Organization , and around one in every six Americans between ages 14 and 49 has genital herpes, usually caused by herpes simplex 2, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Guru Talk: Would You Continue To Date A Person With Herpes?
Should I disclose at dinner? Communication is hard. So know this: Texting your partners that you have herpes does not make you a coward. It does not make you less than someone who chooses to disclose in person. For many, texting is its own type of comfort zone. Before it becomes something physical, I want to let you know that I have genital herpes [or other STI name].
The more emotionally charged an issue, the more important it is to find out the facts. Most people know little or no facts about herpes. Frequently, what knowledge they have is coloured by myth and misconception. Having the correct information about herpes not only makes it easier for your partner, but it also makes it easier for you. Following are some of the basic facts about herpes that might be important points to tell a partner. There is a lot of information about herpes. Have educational materials on hand for your partner to read. Be prepared to answer their questions.
When you have genital herpes , it can be very difficult to bring up your condition with a new romantic partner. Although herpes is just a virus, it's extremely socially stigmatized, and many people are afraid that they may be rejected because of their condition. Although it is true that some people will be unable to see past a genital herpes diagnosis, many people who are living with herpes have found love. You can too.
What It Feels Like to Give Your Partner Herpes
However, both strains of the virus are very common. Navya Mysore , family doctor and primary care provider. One of the first steps most people take after a diagnosis is to inquire about treatment options.
How To Tell Someone You Have Herpes
Herpes is a very common virus, with an estimated 11 percent of the population infected with the HSV-2 genital form of the virus and the majority of people infected with HSV-1 oral. If you have close friends and the subject of herpes comes up in discussion, feel free to tell them about your HSV-1 or HSV-2 status if you feel comfortable. This is very important even if you rarely experience herpes outbreaks, as genital herpes can be spread from an infected person into an uninfected person even without any visible outbreak symptoms.
How to Tell Your Partner You Have Herpes
How to Live and Date with Herpes