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My ex wife wants me to meet her new boyfriend

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Their mother and I have one of those post-divorce relationships that I feel everyone hopes for in their own divorces. We communicate well, work together to make decisions, share holidays when able to, and completely put our children first.

Previously, when we were first discussing our divorce and parenting agreement, we both agreed to not introduce the kids to anyone unless we were in a committed relationship, and it felt like it was going to be long term. This text threw me for a loop, though. I told her I was happy for her that she found someone, and I asked how long they have been dating.

Only three months? The idea of someone else parenting my kids really messes with my head. For contrast, I am also dating someone who has four kids of her own! This is a best-case scenario for them: a low-conflict transition, two stable homes, and co-parents who are on the same page with parenting. You have truly put your children first, and they are thriving because of it. It is also wonderful that both you and your ex have found someone new to love.

As every divorced person is only too aware, people are very different. The way that your ex thinks and feels has to be fairly different from the way that you think and feel, or else you would likely still be together.

She feels that her relationship is serious, and therefore, to her it is. They are excited to begin the rest of their life with someone who makes them happy. By about a year post-divorce, many kids directly ask their parents if they are dating and wish they were.

Kids are usually happy when their parents are happy, all else being equal. Your ex-wife seems to have taken her time trying to find the right person, and now that she feels she has, she is excited to introduce them. There is nothing wrong with this. It is nice of your ex to have taken your feelings into account when you asked her to delay the introduction, but I really do not think you should push your luck here. There is zero evidence to suggest that she has not taken the idea of this introduction seriously.

She has waited an extremely long time by most standards to introduce anyone to the kids I mean the three years, not the three months, which is, I would guess, still within 1 standard deviation from the mean introduction time.

Generally, post-divorce, people tend to date those who are more similar to them emotionally, rather than going for yin to their yang, as people often do in first marriages. This is not how you operate, but again, you and your wife are likely wired quite differently, which should not end up being a referendum on her. You are dating a woman who is more wired like you, to be cautious, and this is great.

This is extremely far from what is occurring. She was nice enough to delay the introduction based on your anxiety once, but if you ask her to do it again, you are questioning her judgment as a mom, which is not reasonable based on how positively you thought about her parenting before this came up. I will tell you another perspective on this whole thing. The more happy romantic relationships they see, the better.

You and your ex have certainly taught your kids how to be great divorced co-parents one day. Your ex wants to give this gift to your children, so do not let your anxiety start this off on the wrong foot. This boyfriend may be the next step-father to your kids. Even if not, he is someone who may make your ex a lot happier, and thereby an even better parent. Your kids have the chance to see someone treating Mom romantically as well. This will imprint on their minds and give them a template for a happy relationship.

You and your ex have the chance to make the transition to dating other people as smooth for your kids as the transition to two homes. The most important issue here is the last one that you bring up. No matter how long she was dating someone, you would still have anxiety about a potential step-parent in the mix. How can they know about relationships if they never observe them?

I encourage you to go into this new co-parenting phase with an open mind, and focus on the positives: your kids are getting the chance to see a functional romantic relationship.

On a personal note, I am divorced, and, thankfully, my children have a great relationship with my boyfriend. Both of my older children independently told me that they are happy that I am happy.

They are all very interested in our relationship and I watch them observing us. The more sensitive ones love to watch the romantic side of things, e. This brings me happiness. As a child in a home that was not divorced but should have been, I yearned to see a romantic, healthy relationships between adults. The lack of seeing one undoubtedly impacted my own ability to choose and sustain healthy relationships earlier in my life.

You may be very surprised by how much your kids like seeing their mom happily dating someone. This has given my children the space and implicit permission to have fun with my boyfriend and to feel close with him. I already know you will not explicitly do this because of how much you prioritize the kids, but be careful of non-verbals like sighing or eye rolls, which can be just as damaging.

But keep in mind that the majority of conflict that I see about coparenting involves exactly this: the dating stage. So buckle up, and, as I said before, therapy is really helpful for anxiety of any sort. Thanks for writing in, and keep me posted. This blog is not intended as medical advice or diagnosis and should in no way replace consultation with a medical professional.

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My Ex is Getting Serious With Her New Guy. Can I Get in the Way?

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This article will answer your questions. The questions that have been plaguing you until you found your way to this page.

Their mother and I have one of those post-divorce relationships that I feel everyone hopes for in their own divorces. We communicate well, work together to make decisions, share holidays when able to, and completely put our children first. Previously, when we were first discussing our divorce and parenting agreement, we both agreed to not introduce the kids to anyone unless we were in a committed relationship, and it felt like it was going to be long term. This text threw me for a loop, though.

5 Rules for Introducing a New Partner to Your Kids After Divorce

Yet, one of the main reasons why her new guy is attractive to her at the moment is because he is so different. Her ex might feel like he is a better guy because he is nicer, loves her more and only has good intentions with her. When she was with me, I treated her like a princess and never denied her anything. Does she want to be treated badly? Is that it? Is that what she wants? This is important to a woman because it makes her feel safe in the knowledge that if he and her encountered any challenging, mean or bad people in life, he would be able to handle the situation. When a guy lacks that, he attracts the attention of bad people i. Is he going to crumble and be wimpy and weak around challenging men? I need a man who is confident and emotionally masculine.

When Your Ex Gets a New Partner

It can be hard enough to maintain a good relationship with your children if there's just a limited amount of time you can spend with them. It never feels like enough, and you worry that there might be a distance growing between you. That feeling can worsen if your ex gets a serious, long-term partner. The natural feeling is that the new man in her life might end up closer to your children than you are. How do you cope with the emotions and fear — because that's exactly what it is — that your children might end up calling another man dad?

If you can make her feel more attracted to you than the new guy, she will consider breaking up with him and getting back with you. When a woman hooks up with a new man, he will usually be very different to her ex, because she will be looking for someone who can fill in the gaps that were missing in her previous relationship.

One of the most common questions divorced parents ask me is: When should I be introducing a new partner to my children? The number-one thing to keep in mind when deciding when to introduce a new partner to your kids is timing after your divorce. Even if both of you are in love and seem to have a lot in common, breakups are common and kids get caught in the crossfire.

I Think My Ex Wants Me Back, But She Has a Boyfriend

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Ex-Wife Wants To Introduce Her Boyfriend Of 3 Months To Our Kids


She will then try to find a guy who isn't like her ex, in the hope that he will offer a better A woman wants a man she can look up to, rely on and depend on to be the man all the time. I have a boyfriend now and I don't think it's a good idea. Meeting up with my ex in person has made me realize that I do still have feelings.


Ex from 2 years ago wants me to meet her current BF.


Morning Quickie: “My Kids’ Dad Refuses to Meet My New Boyfriend”






Comments: 1
  1. Kazigor

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