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What should we look for in a partner

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Apr 30, Relationships. And yes, that picture you see paired with the article is actually one of my wedding photos! Now, of course, this list is totally subjective and not at all complete. We all have our own individual needs and wants when it comes to choosing a life partner, so consider my list of 8 things simply a catalyst for your own creative thinking about this topic. And then please leave me a message in the comments below to let me know what else you would add to this list!

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Select the right relationship - Alexandra Redcay - TEDxUpperEastSide

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Partner Expectations - What You NEED and What You WANT

The 5 most important things to look for in a partner

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Romantic relationships are a challenge for everyone. Fact 1: All of us have inborn needs for love, care, and attention, which when not met trigger core emotions of anger and sadness. Over time, we can defend against these needs in a variety of ways. Fact 2: People in relationships cannot realistically meet all of the needs of their partner. Given these two facts, inevitably there will be times when we feel unloved, uncared for, unappreciated, hurt, and angered. That is not bad. That is not good.

Research by The Gottman Institute showed that how we handle conflict is a major predictor of relationship longevity. We can become pros at handling conflict. Below are five qualities to look for in a life partner. These qualities help ensure that the two of you will be able to move through the tough times and even grow closer as a result. Empathy is the ability and willingness to put yourself in the skin of another person and imagine how THEY feel. Without a capacity for empathy, treating you with compassion, kindness, and consideration will likely not be a priority for your partner.

When relationships are strained, humor can diffuse a struggle and transform a moment from bad to better. For example, Wayne knew just the right time to use humor with Jenna.

He could tell when her mood shifted for the worse. Wayne could sense Jenna was irritated with him. His question stopped Jenna dead in her tracks and forced her to reflect. Now that her anger was conscious, she could figure out what was bugging her and talk about it with Wayne directly. Two people who love each other and who are motivated to stay together have the power to work out all conflicts. Working out conflicts, however, takes time, patience, and skillful communication. During strife, emotions run the show.

Emotions are hard-wired in all of our brains the same way. No matter how smart or clever we are, no one can prevent emotions from happening, especially in times of conflict and threat. It is only after emotions ignite that we have some choice about how to respond. Some people react immediately, indulging their impulses. That is how fights escalate. Others pause to think before they act. Thinking before we speak or act is best because it gives us much more control over the outcome of our interactions.

In the beginning of a relationship, things usually go smoothly. But when the courtship period ends, differences and disagreements start to arise. Before conflicts emerge, it is a good idea to talk about establishing a set of ground rules for arguments. The goal here is to learn specific ways that you can help each other in the midst of a disagreement.

For example, you can agree to talk in a calm voice versus shouting at each other. In setting ground rules, the idea is to anticipate conflict and arguments and rehearse how to do damage control.

Your partner learns how NOT to make matters worse for you; and you learn how NOT to make matters worse for your partner. Because each of you is the expert on yourself, you teach each other what you need when you feel bad, sad, angry, and the like.

An eye roll can send one person over the edge while an eye roll has no affect on the other partner at all. No good ever comes from that. I recommend that together you write down your ground rules. Finding a partner with these five qualities may not be easy. And, you will have to be somewhat vulnerable, summoning courage to talk about these qualities.

Hold on to the belief that you are worth it and you deserve to be in a mutually satisfying relationship. Also hold on to the fact that many people in the world, women and men alike, want loving partnerships. The five qualities above will guide you in finding your loving partner.

She is a certified psychoanalyst and AEDP psychotherapist and supervisor. Find help or get online counseling now. The Capacity for Empathy Empathy is the ability and willingness to put yourself in the skin of another person and imagine how THEY feel. Humor When relationships are strained, humor can diffuse a struggle and transform a moment from bad to better. Humor is not always the right approach. But when it works, it works well. The Willingness to Keep Talking Two people who love each other and who are motivated to stay together have the power to work out all conflicts.

Problems have to be talked out until both people feel better. Understands the Importance of Establishing Ground Rules In the beginning of a relationship, things usually go smoothly. Everyone has different triggers. Psych Central. All rights reserved. Hot Topics Today 1.

The Most Important Quality To Look For In A Life Partner

Nice eyes? A great smile? A quirky sense of humor? Look for someone who:. Remember, that a relationship consists of two or more!

Deciding to look for a life partner is a big deal. It can be daunting — how can you know if you want to be with someone for the rest of your life?

Here are the five things that they say you should look for. Make sure you're both along for the ride. Chemistry is crucial. Looks and status are two key factors.

5 Qualities to Look for in a Life Partner

Choosing a life partner is the most important decision you will ever make — far more crucial than choosing a job, house or group of friends. The course of love never did run smoothly, and neither did the course of quitting your job, moving house, having children or dealing with tragedy. The right person will put their cards on the table, even if it means risking getting hurt. Life is hard enough without worrying about whether someone is going to show up or call when they say they will — a reliable, solid partner will never leave you wondering where you stand. Even though mundane things like shopping at Ikea can be tortuous and insipid, having the right partner to go with can transform the most dull of tasks into an afternoon of laughter and new private jokes to laugh about. Never forget that your family have your back more than anyone else, so they can sniff out a bad partner from a mile away. If they approve of yours, everything in your life should be ten times easier. Of course, seeing friends and family is really important, but spending alone time together is vital too. But knowing how to come back from them and make up with each other is just as important as trying not to get into them in the first place.

15 Things You Should Look For In A Relationship

Does your swiping criteria change as often as your fave pair of leggings? Last month, a good job and good hair got a right swipe. The month before, it was animal lovers. Before that?

Barton Goldsmith.

As we each navigate the ups-and-downs of our love lives — from meet-cute to breakup and back again — we're constantly learning more about ourselves, what we want in life, and what we value in relationships. Over time, everyone develops their own unique set of core values: fundamental beliefs that influence how we conduct ourselves in all aspects of life, including our romantic relationships. Because our core values are so intrinsic to who we are as individuals, it's only natural that we're better suited to a romantic partner who shares our values and beliefs. But in order to be able to recognize when a potential partner is the right fit for you, you have to first get to know yourself and your core values.

6 traits you should *actually* look for in a partner, according to matchmakers

A strong sense of character. They are steady and certain in the knowledge of who they are. But they will not compromise their values, their beliefs, or their integrity.

Romantic relationships are a challenge for everyone. Fact 1: All of us have inborn needs for love, care, and attention, which when not met trigger core emotions of anger and sadness. Over time, we can defend against these needs in a variety of ways. Fact 2: People in relationships cannot realistically meet all of the needs of their partner. Given these two facts, inevitably there will be times when we feel unloved, uncared for, unappreciated, hurt, and angered. That is not bad.

17 important qualities to look for in your life partner

Common attributes that come to mind include intelligence, kindness, sense of humor, attractiveness, or reliability. We may think we are looking for a partner who complements us only in positive ways, but on an unconscious level, we are frequently drawn to people who complement us in negative ways as well. What this means is that we tend to pick partners who fit in with our existing emotional baggage. We are inclined to replay events and dynamics that hurt us in the past in our adult relationships. Were they too controlling? Did they make you feel a way you felt in your past?

Apr 30, - Choose a partner who is growth and learning-oriented and who's willing to do the hard work of growing individually and collectively with you.

Here are the five things that they say you should look for. Make sure you're both along for the ride. Chemistry is crucial. Looks and status are two key factors.

19 Things To Look For In A Partner That Have Nothing To Do With Sex Or Appearance

We all know you shouldn't just throw yourself willy-nilly into the first relationship that comes down the pike. But what are the things you should look for in a relationship , specifically? For better or worse, we often hear more about the things you shouldn't tolerate in a relationship.

What Should I Look for in a Partner?

It's easy to list what you find unappealing in a potential mate, but identifying the qualities that make someone desirable for the long haul is a slightly tougher task. What exactly qualifies a person to fulfill the role as your life partner? Not everyone runs a mental checklist before taking the ultimate leap — some just know.

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