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Find a girl to settle down

They often want a serious relationship, but it needs to be the right guy. Here are 7 ways for men to make women want to leave the dating scene and settle down into a proper relationship. Find common ground. Your next girlfriend could be that girl you always seem to cross paths with because she goes to the same gym as you or works in the same building as you. Execute a grand gesture.

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Why women lose the dating game

Committing to a partner is scary for all kinds of reasons. But one is that you never really know how the object of your current affections would compare to all the other people you might meet in the future. Settle down early, and you might forgo the chance of a more perfect match later on. Wait too long to commit, and all the good ones might be gone. This can be a serious dilemma, especially for people with perfectionist tendencies. But it turns out that there is a pretty simple mathematical rule that tells you how long you ought to search, and when you should stop searching and settle down.

But this isn't how a lifetime of dating works, obviously. Is the current guy or girl a dud? Or is this really the best you can do?

So how do you find the best one? Basically, you have to gamble. It turns out there is a pretty striking solution to increase your odds. The magic figure turns out to be 37 percent. To have the highest chance of picking the very best suitor, you should date and reject the first 37 percent of your total group of lifetime suitors.

You'd also have to decide who qualifies as a potential suitor, and who is just a fling. The answers to these questions aren't clear, so you just have to estimate. Here, let's assume you would have 11 serious suitors in the course of your life. If you just choose randomly, your odds of picking the best of 11 suitors is about 9 percent.

But if you use the method above, the probability of picking the best of the bunch increases significantly, to 37 percent — not a sure bet, but much better than random. Of course, some people may find cats preferable to boyfriends or girlfriends anyway. Another, probably more realistic, option is that you start your life with a string of really terrible boyfriends or girlfriends that give you super low expectations about the potential suitors out there, as in the illustration below.

The next person you date is marginally better than the failures you dated in your past, and you end up marrying him. So obviously there are ways this method can go wrong. Why does this work? It should be pretty obvious that you want to start seriously looking to choose a candidate somewhere in the middle of the group.

You want to date enough people to get a sense of your options, but you don't want to leave the choice too long and risk missing your ideal match. You need some kind of formula that balances the risk of stopping too soon against the risk of stopping too late. The logic is easier to see if you walk through smaller examples. Let's say you would only have one suitor in your entire life. If you choose that person, you win the game every time -- he or she is the best match that you could potentially have.

If you increase the number to two suitors, there's now a chance of picking the best suitor. Here, it doesn't matter whether you use our strategy and review one candidate before picking the other. If you do, you have a 50 percent chance of selecting the best.

If you don't use our strategy, your chance of selecting the best is still 50 percent. But as the number of suitors gets larger, you start to see how following the rule above really helps your chances. The diagram below compares your success rate for selecting randomly among three suitors. Each suitor is in their own box and is ranked by their quality 1st is best, 3rd is worst. As you can see, following the strategy dramatically increases your chances of "winning" -- finding the best suitor of the bunch:.

As mathematicians repeated the process above for bigger and bigger groups of "suitors," they noticed something interesting -- the optimal number of suitors that you should review and reject before starting to look for the best of the bunch converges more and more on a particular number. That number is 37 percent. The explanation for why this works gets into the mathematical weeds -- here's another great, plain-English explanation of the math -- but it has to do with the magic of the mathematical constant e, which is uniquely able to describe the probability of success in a statistical trial that has two outcomes, success or failure.

Long story short, the formula has been shown again and again to maximize your chances of picking the best one in an unknown series, whether you're assessing significant others, apartments, job candidates or bathroom stalls. There are a few tweaks to this problem, depending on your preferences, that will give you a slightly different result.

In the scenario above, the goal was to maximize your chances of getting the very best suitor of the bunch -- you "won" if you found the very best suitor, and you "lost" if you ended up with anyone else. But a more realistic scenario, as mathematician Matt Parker writes, is that "getting something that is slightly below the best option will leave you only slightly less happy.

If your goal is to just get someone who is good, rather than the absolute best of the bunch, the strategy changes a little. In this case, you review and reject the square root of n suitors, where n is the total number of suitors, before you decide to accept anyone. As in the formula above, this is the exact point where your odds of passing over your ideal match start to eclipse your odds of stopping too soon.

For our group of 11 suitors, you'd date and reject the first 30 percent, compared with 37 percent in the model above. All in all, this version means that you end up dating around a little less and selecting a partner a little sooner.

But you have a higher chance of ending up with someone who is pretty good, and a lower chance of ending up alone. With a choice of 10 people, the method gets you someone who is 75 percent perfect, relative to all your options, according to Parker.

With people, the person will be about 90 percent perfect, which is better than most people can hope for. In , a Japanese mathematician named Minoru Sakaguchi developed another version of the problem that independent men and women might find more appealing. In Sakaguchi's model, the person wants to find their best match, but they prefer remaining single to ending up with anyone else. In this case, you wouldn't start looking to settle down until reviewing about In this situation, you notice that, since you don't care too much if you end up alone, you're content to review far more candidates, gather more information, and have a greater chance of selecting the very best.

These models are theoretical, but they do support some of the conventional wisdom about dating. First, they offer a good rationale for dating around before deciding to get serious. Without a dating history, you really don't have enough knowledge about the dating pool to make an educated decision about who is the best. You might think your first or second love is truly your best love, but, statistically speaking, it's not probably not so.

Second, when you choose to settle down really depends on your preferences. If you want to find someone who is pretty good and minimize your chances of ending up alone, you'd try to settle down relatively early -- after reviewing and rejecting the first 30 percent of suitors you might have in your lifetime.

If your goal is to find the very best of the bunch, you would wait a little longer, reviewing and rejecting 37 percent of the total. And if you would like to find your perfect match, but you are also okay with ending up single, you'd wait much longer, reviewing and rejecting These equations are also reassuring for those with fear of missing out, those who worry about committing to a partner because they don't know what they might be missing in the future.

The math shows that you really don't have to date all the fish in the sea to maximize your chances of finding the best. You can find our Community Guidelines in full here. Want to discuss real-world problems, be involved in the most engaging discussions and hear from the journalists? Start your Independent Premium subscription today.

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Settling Down: 5 Traits Men Look For In Women To Balance Them Out

Naomi sat in the back row of Melbourne's Grattan Institute, about to watch her fiance give a lecture. She was joined by three unfamiliar women - all attractive, well groomed, in their mids. From their whispered chat, she quickly realised they weren't there to hear about politics and economics but to meet her eligible man.

Meanwhile, my friends are all settling down one by one. What do you think it is that seems to be causing all these women to keep it casual? Is it me?

Committing to a partner is scary for all kinds of reasons. But one is that you never really know how the object of your current affections would compare to all the other people you might meet in the future. Settle down early, and you might forgo the chance of a more perfect match later on. Wait too long to commit, and all the good ones might be gone. This can be a serious dilemma, especially for people with perfectionist tendencies.

He wants to settle down, but the girls just want to have fun

While some men might be willing to sleep with just about anyone with a pulse, a much different logic accompanies many a single guy who wants to give up the bachelor life and finally settle down. Everyone man or woman is entitled to have his or her fun before deciding to enter a committed relationship. There has to be some physical attraction on some level in order to spark interest. Typically, you notice someone before you speak to him or her. The struggle for guys is in the desire to date someone who is attractive, yet respectable when it comes to looks. Being able to pull off a classy look is a good thing, but there can be some instances when too much class turns off a man. Intellect is pretty high on the importance scale, even though many women think guys are willing to look past this keep in mind, there is a reason why George Clooney married a lawyer. Any mature man knows that a woman who can carry herself in various situations and discuss many different topics is a smart woman. It can be difficult when a man is not the smartest person in his relationship, which strictly boils down to pride. But, it does play a role.

T here were, says Cat, perhaps one or two male students on her English degree. How great to have so many clever, educated young women spilling out every year, but there could be negative consequences, as a new book, Date-onomics , points out: there may not be enough educated men to go around. But, as the business journalist Jon Birger relates in his book Date-onomics, if an educated woman wants to form a long-term partnership with a man of similar education, the numbers are stacked against her. But it could just be a numbers game, she says though Birger will say these two things are linked. Birger had started noticing that he was around far more single women than men.




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Oct 7, - The problem occurs when a guy has been with many women before deciding to cool down, so he tries to mix and match her best characteristics to.








Comments: 2
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